Ram Gopal Varma loses it big time

The Department director tries to diss critics, but fails

Poor Ramu. The normally blasé director (for want of a better word) has been stung to the quick with the treatment meted out to his latest disaster Department. He has issued an open letter titled ‘I Love You Too’, rebutting his critics. Cineswami has decided to issue a point-by-point response.

The sarcastic title shows that Ramu is in fine form. Alas, if only that talent were to be reflected in his filmmaking capabilities that are now sadly diminished.

Ramu says: “When Oliver Stone made “Natural Born Killers” most reviewers said it’s a piece of visual crap, exhibitionistic, he lost his head etc., which then in the later years came to be recognized as a cult classic. When DW Griffith cut to a close up they said how can a man be shown cut in half and when the camera moved in a Georges Melies film they said how can a point of view suddenly move.”

Well, well. What delusions of grandeur. Let me tell you three people you are not, Ramu – Oliver Stone, DW Griffith and George Melies. Those three have taken their rightful place in the pantheon of cinematic greats, while you never will, not even in a list of Indian cinema greats.

Ramu says: “Anyways the norm of critics these days is to bury the baby even before its born and kill the mother for giving it birth. It’s incredible to see the sadistic glee they take in running the Director down on a personal level even more than they run down the Film.”

Wrong, Ramu. Critics will appreciate good cinema and bury mediocrity. And regarding you, there is no sadistic pleasure involved. Rather, most critics are sad that the creator of Satya, Rangeela, Shiva and Kshana Kshanam has been reduced to a gibbering wreck with Department.

Ramu says: “In Department it’s the rapid swish pans and some hitherto unseen movement perspectives, which bothered some people, but the same were also liked by lots of others.”

Er…Ramu, who are these ‘lots of others’ who liked the film? Among all the big films of 2012, Department has had the lowest opening, netting just Rs 7.25 crore, a figure lower than even Tezz. Perhaps the only people who liked it were the sycophants who you surround yourself with to hear the word ‘yes’ all the time and some losers on Twitter who have nothing better to do with their wasted lives.

Ramu says: Also the rogue method I employed for Department is an alternative method I proposed but not as a replacement to a conventional method. The conventional usage of the cameras used for Department have been already used in “Slumdog Millionaire”, “127 Hours” and many other films the world over. In Department it’s their unconventional rapid movements, which created problem for some.”

Not some, Ramu, all. And let me be the first to remind you, Danny Boyle you are not, even if you think you are.

Ramu says: “It goes without saying that at the end of the day a Film’s likeability is about its content and its narrative grip and the technical style employed doesn’t matter to the viewer.

But having said that a constantly evolving innovative usage of the medium does add and sometimes also gives an emotional tone to the content and film eventually in its purest form is an emotional experience.”

Totally agree with you, Ramu. However, the content of Department provides no ‘emotional experience’ whatsoever. To experience film in its ‘purest form’, as you say, we suggest you return to your video library in Hyderabad, if that is still functional, and watch some great cinema. Meanwhile, quit torturing your once loyal audience in the name of innovation. After all, Amitabh Bachchan and we deserve much better. Goodbye and good luck. We sincerely hope that you return with a bang.

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