Salman Khan + Chetan Bhagat = a marriage made in illiterate heaven

Fri, October 26, 2012 5:09pm UTC by 11 Comments
Salman Khan + Chetan Bhagat = a marriage made in illiterate heaven

Cineswami takes a dig at author Chetan Bhagat being roped in as screenwriter for Salman Khan’s movie Kick

For those of you, who can read and accuse Bollywoodlife of being anti-Shahrukh Khan, read on; Salman Khan fans look away now, or, if you are masochists (look it up), read on. Illiterate India’s favourite illiterate author has made a series of announcements today. The October personage that is the Chetan the Bhagat quoth:

“Happy to share with you that I’ll be writing the screenplay of Kick starring Salman Khan and directed by Sajid Nadiadwala”

“Kick is a about a guy who lives life only for his kicks, a powerful concept and a perfect recipe for a Salman-Nadiadwala blockbuster.”

“Have known both Salman and Sajid Nadiadwala for a while and been wanting to work with them.Couldn’t have asked for a better screenplay debut.”

“Will be adapting Kick from original Telugu superhit, with fair amount of changes as well. Huge expectations, need all ur support! Thanks!”

So far, so informative. We find out that the creature that churns out pabulum for the great unwashed that have a scant few words of English to rub together is finally going to write its first screenplay. This is, of course, by no means Bhagat’s first brush with the silver screen. Rajkumar Hirani and Abhijat Joshi took a kernel of one of Bhagat’s ideas (yes, occasionally invertebrates too have ideas), paid him for it, threw him out and crafted the genius that is the all-time blockbuster 3 Idiots. Less successful was Atul Agnihotri’s vomit-fest Hello, based on Bhagat’s One Night @ the Call Center where Salman had a sleep walk on part. Kai Po Che based on the mistakes of Bhagat’s life or some such is yet to be released and 2 States is thankfully yet to be made.

So, net net, an illiterate ‘writer’ is going to adapt a Telugu blockbuster (itself manufactured for the masses) for a star known for illiterate films that pander to an even more illiterate audience and the cherry on the cake is producer Sajid Nadiadwala who served up headache factories like Kambakkht Ishq and the Housefull movies is now going to turn director with Kick. Excellent. Can’t ask for more really.

But Bhagat, alas, doesn’t know when to stop. If he had just made his announcements and left it at that, we would have let him be – just like we give the common housefly the gift of life by not swatting it. However, he comes up with this gem:

“Many writers upgrade, get agents in London. I want to reach masses. The day I reach Indian farmers I’ll consider myself a true Indian writer.”

This statement of Bhagat’s is wrong on so many counts it’s not funny. By saying that getting an agent in London is an ‘upgrade’, Bhagat is straightaway denigrating India and Indians. And therefore his following statements are rendered null and void. Want to reach the masses – go to them. Don’t just tweet about it. Want to reach farmers – visit a paddy field, see how they live. And you’ll find out that the only use they have for your ‘writing’ is the fertiliser that can be obtained from pulp and paper waste.Subscribe to me on YouTube

  • Indu

    This idiot writer has no guts to write in his real name. The coward is hiding behind a psudonym and abusing India’s biggest superstar. No use of all this mate. He will dance on the heads of people like you for many many years to come.

    • Iamafraidtowritemyname

      Kuch toh jalne ki boo aa rai h…….
      anyways.. Bollywoodlife has published it aiwayin so dont worry tomoro there will be many articles supporting your so called illiterate salman…

      • sarifa

        Guess u are the same as the writer as it takes one to know one. May God have mercy on the liar who wrote and this individual who wrote commment

  • amlan

    Midfinger salute to this author…..

  • sarifa

    Bollywoodlife is the worst set of reporting one has ever comes across they are always finding ways and means to insult other especially Salman Khan they do no research in finding truth only interested in gossip and rumours it is rude and obnoxious in any article to refer to people as idiot and illiterate especially to refer to Salman Khan as such one who is the lifeline of bollywood. Please get ur facts straight before publishing for you may find yourselves facing law suit for defamation of character.

  • Mine

    Ooops First time seeing an Article which says truth about LALLU MONKEY and his ILLETERATE Fans awwwww poor Lallu Monkey Fans.

  • Basanth Pathange

    Hi Cineswami,

    What non-sense. Are you a writer?

    If you are, you would have got the correct meaning out of it. I am sure you would have got it the way it is said, but why creating a fuss to sell your site or writing.

    Have already witnessed a lot of idiots in the field, so we would not like to see one more joining the team. Please write like a writer and not like an extra.

    We appreciate a lot many things you write but just not this.

    Kindly come out of it with a good vacation buddy,
    Basanth Pathange

  • Sumit

    ofcourse Chetan Bhagat is illeterate (he’s India’s biggest selling fiction writer)
    ofcourse Salman Khan is illeterate (he’s India’s biggest superstar, raking in huge money)

    Cineswami is LITERATE (he/she writes for a lame online film magazine which nobody knows of, he/she can’t even use his/her real name here too, ROFL … some intelligent, literate life u have…. now get a real job… u would be a over achiever if u get a job as richshaw puller)

  • Raj

    Meanwhile in other news, gaylord SRK is trying to sell his film on his so called Dad’s deadbody … pathetic, nothing is too low for tht swine :)

  • SKY

    Hey!…If you want to go 4 debate, than go to the lokShobha/ Parliament..What.you want to prove.. here…90-100% occupency in theaters for a salman Khan films prove what…Illiterate portion of India/ audience…not at.. all.. Let me clear one thing people go to the theaters..for entertainments.. not for taking education/learning..There is educational institutions 4 that..Cinema is a media of entertainment..(not education) so pls let it be that..(on your language ,what are you meant to be a literate films(most of them are flops or not doing huge business..like 200-250 cores,worldwide,Which have done by a salman Khan film…So mind it….(Anna Rascallaaa….)

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