It's legendary actor Irrfan Khan's first death anniversary today. Yes, it's been a year since we lost a gem of an actor, since Babil and Ayaan lost their dear father, and since Sutapa Sikdar lost her loving husband. This void that Irrfan left cannot be filled in their lives nor in the world of entertainment. On his first death anniversary, Babil Khan opened up on losing his father, his struggle to deal with the pain, and his greatest regret. Talking to Times of India, Babil said he had suicidal thoughts days after he lost his father. Initially, he was maintaining a brave stance but eventually, he crashed and plunged into depression. "For the first few days, Mom was like how is that he is taking it so well? I was running around, doing everything, making sure everything was fine at home and at the hospital. It was really bad, though. I can’t explain the amount of pain he was going through when he was conscious. I particularly remember when they were going to put a catheter, and asked me to leave the room, and he almost yelled, ‘Babil, tum kahin mat jao mujhe chhod ke!’ They pulled me out of the room and he screamed my name. I never felt that much pain and helplessness. I just stood there outside, hearing him scream my name. I dealt with it well in that moment, but after he passed – initially, Mumma was surprised how well I was taking it – but two days after he passed away, I crashed. I just crashed. Everything shut off. I went into deep, deep depression. I can’t even explain. There was no will to wake up. I was very suicidal…" the actor-in-making paused while revealing his breaking point.
After a while, he added, "I was done. I didn’t have any will to live. I still struggle with it a lot. And at that time, Mumma was the strength. She has always been the strength of our family. Throughout Baba’s career. You know everyone’s like Baba was this, Baba was that – but Baba wouldn’t have been anything without Mumma, she’s been the strength of the family."
While talking about the thing he regrets the most, Babil revealed that he wished that the Paan Singh Tomar actor could see him watch. During the interview, he said that his father missed out on seeing him act in his [Babil] 8th grade. He recalled how he played an extra during the shoot of Qarib Qarib single. He said, "He saw me act once, though ( laughs)! I was assisting the camera team in Qarib Qarib Single. There was this shot where me and my then-girlfriend, we had this one second shot as extras. And he was so excited to see me in front of the camera, he just took over ( laughs)! He wouldn’t even let Tanuja ma’am say ‘action’ also! He took over everything, he came to say ‘action’, I saw this joy on his face, I can’t explain it to you…I would have loved for him to watch me."
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